stay-cold-in-the-heat:

bad-dominicana:

hiphopcheerleader:

i already assume every man trying to talk to me on the street is a rapist.

first of all, i’ve been told my many people (these creepers included) that i look mean when I’m walking alone, which is probably a subconscious defense mechanism, yet they try to talk to me anyway. i have earphones in, yet they try to talk to me anyway. they are obviously not worthy of me, yet they try to talk to me anyway. 

i reject every single man that approaches me. every single one. yep that doesn’t work. i have a blank face on, that doesn’t work. i point to my earphones & shrug my shoulders, doesn’t work. say i have a boyfriend, doesn’t work. say I’m not interested, doesn’t work. yell at them, doesn’t work. say I’m a lesbian, doesn’t work. say I’m pregnant, doesn’t work. yell at them, DOESNT FUCKING WORK. my best bet is to either stop fucking existing or to move out of their vicinity. going through some variation of this routine just about everyday, tells me that my boundaries mean nothing. i mean nothing to these men. that as a woman, my desires, my needs are less important than their desire to do nothing more than bother me, to essentially tell me that I don’t belong in public space & maybe this may even be their attempt to “get to know me”, “become friends with me”, have consensual sex with me, or rape me. They have absolutely no chance to be friends with me or to start a relationship with me so I’m going to have to assume that they are rapists. Does it make me paranoid as fuck? Yes. But honestly, if you’re cool with flippantly disregarding & crossing my boundaries like that, YOU ARE either a rapist, potential rapist or a rapist in waiting. 

& y’all have to pick one: you’re either gonna victim blame everyday until you die and continue to tell us that our biggest fear in life should be being raped or you’re going to stop being mad at womyn for protecting ourselves. For not going out at night because we’re afraid we’ll be raped. For not talking to you cuz we’re afraid you could be a rapist. For carrying pepper spray or a taser cuz we’re afraid we might meet a rapist. 

& To the men who holler: “Not all men are like that!!, Don’t judge me by my gender or by what my other men do.” I have to judge you as all the same. & that’s my right. In my eyes, until i know for a FACT that you aren’t a rapist or a potential rapist, I’m keeping my distance & I’m judging you. Rape is supposed to be YALLS issue, since y’all keep raping people. But its my job to keep myself safe & I can’t do that worrying about YOUR feelings about being grouped together & judged. Don’t waste energy telling me “we’re not all like that”, talk to your fellow man, guaranteed one of them IS indeed a rapist.

fucking this. my blank face is a bitch face coz my mouth turns downward naturally and my eyebrows are also naturally really arched. but i still put on a mean mug on top of it and you think that shit works? they still harrass me. all i get is even more dickbags tellin me to fucking “smile” for them. and having a kid w you DOESNT WORK EITHER. these motherfuckers out here yellin obscene shit as you push a fuckin carriage and shit.

if anything i feel like they think a kid makes you more vulnerable. like “heres some desperate ass prey”, and when they size you both up like youre a fucking happy meal that comes w a toy….. *shudders*

Earphones don’t work, and neither does reading a fucking book.

It’s like they assume they have a right to talk to you, even if you’re busy.  Now, what reason do these dudes give us to trust them if they’re already so invasive of personal space?

It’s a fucking red flag, is what it is.  And they don’t care what sexuality you are.  They just assume you’re for them.  Forget your wants and needs.

Then they act all shocked and surprised and sad when I tell them “I’m not interested,” or “get the fuck away from me,” depending on how much they are bothering me.

Invading our boundaries, especially if we had them invaded before, is NOT a mother fucking compliment.  It’s creepy, scary, and triggering.

FUCKING THIS
Yet I get to be told off
I fucking hate cis men

Having genitalia preferences=/=cissexist

Having genitalia preferences, being attracted to/making a connection with someone who has different bits than what you prefer, finding that out, being confused/initially taken aback/whatever, examining your preferences, biases, and taking the opportunity to educate yourself=/=cissexist.

Having preferences, making a connection as outlined above, finding out about the other person’s bits and being like “OH MY GOD THAT IS SO GROSS AND WRONG”=definitely cissexist.

Being in a position where, say, a penis is triggering, making a connection with someone who has a penis without knowing they have a penis, finding out, and not letting that a)change your opinion of the PERSON or b)be an excuse to act like a giant douchebag, but instead explaining your personal issues to the person and deciding whether it’s something you can/want to work through at this time=/=cissexist.

Having trigger issues as outlined above, making a connection, finding out about the person’s penis, and being like “OH MY GOD YOU ASSHOLE *slur* YOU DECEIVED ME”=definitely cissexist.

It’s really not that complicated. I don’t know why people are making it complicated.

If you have genuine trigger issues surrounding genitals, that is something you should discuss while negotiating sexual activity prior to anything actually happening. What if you’re triggered by penises, your potential partner has a vulva, but they bust out a strapon mid-romp? Not cool, right? And you’d probably explain before having sex “Hey, just so you know, penises/penetration are triggering things for me, so we need to negotiate around that.” So how about you just do that, and allow the other person to disclose what genitals they have as they feel safe doing so? Seriously, a lot of this can be settled by re-tooling our sexual narratives and focusing on consent and negotiation in a positive, pro-active way.

(http://lilith-laquim.tumblr.com/)

I’m not sure if I agree or disagree with your first 2 sections due to the wording, but everything else is wonderful. I don’t think liking one set of bits over another is cissexist. It only becomes cissexist when you, as I stated before, completely loose any attraction to the other person when they don’t have what you expect.

I really do love that last paragraph though. :o

-Karla

“Pan” means all; “pansexual” means attraction to all genders. It’s not “I don’t see gender”. For a lot of people, it isn’t even “gender has no impact on how attracted I am to someone”. It’s fine if that’s what it means to someone, but it isn’t an accurate blanket statement. 

Gender matters, and gender is important to a lot of people. We cannot ever, ever pretend that gender does not exist or that it is insignificant. It may be insignificant in your choice of partner, but that does not mean that you are blind to gender. Gender-blindness is only one step away from denying the existence of gender. Part of not being blind to gender is accepting that gender is very real, and that everything that comes along with gender -trans* struggles, privilege, dealing with sexism, preferred pronouns, etc.- are actually really important.”

Of course gender feels real. Of course I’m not gender-blind. On the contrary, I’m trying to be as sensitive as possible and I’d prefer someone who has it similarly, which sort of rules out the vast majority of cis people. But I can imagine myself dating some of them, as it’s always up to an individual. If my criteria are met, IDGAF.